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UN Revealed to be Gigantic 66-year-old Hoax

“I can’t believe it lasted this long,” said “US Ambassador to the UN” Susan Rice, laughing, “Who would really believe that there is this magical agency that would, like, be responsible for solving all the problems in the whole world?  That nobody else can solve? Or even wants to?”

“I really thought it would come out when that prankster Ban Ki Moon put Libya on the “reformed” Human Rights Council in 2010,” said Rice, “after there was a backlash against Libya CHAIRING the old Human Rights Commission. Who would fall for that?”

Ban, who in real life is a much-loved writer for 30 Rock, also bet “UNCTAD Secretary-General” Supachai Panitchpakdi three shots of Glenlivet that he would never get more than 15 crisscrossing arrows into one UN diagram. He lost the bet.

Click for larger image

A team of investigative reporters finally broke the story after receiving a tip from a group of concerned Azerbaijani citizens who recognized their “Ambassador” as a child soap opera star from the 1970s. As details began to emerge, Ban and Supachai locked themselves in the General Assembly Complex, which was discovered to be 30 floors of luxury condos, restaurants, and health spas.

Reporters found in the rest of the UN building the remains of old mainframe computers.  These computers, manned by a few technicians, were created to run programs like the UN Automatic Document Software, which produced for many decades 300-page documents with language like:

As part of the efforts to strengthen the United Nations Economic and Social Council, Member States, …mandated the Council to convene a high level biennial Development Cooperation Forum to review trends in international development cooperation, …. promote greater coherence among the development activities of different development partners; ….as a key venue for global dialogue and policy review of the effectiveness and coherence of international development cooperation. … Forum also reaffirmed the demand for an inclusive and universally recognized space for discussions on international development cooperation…

UN Computers also ran the revolutionary Promise ReMaker Software, which every 15 years reiterates and reaffirms in stirring language the International Goals made 15 years earlier. Other programs issued new batches of imaginary data every year on per capita income, employment, gender, income distribution, and nutrition.

Josette Sheeran, the “World Food Program Executive Director,” who is really a heavily tattooed computer hacker from Boulder, Colorado, said “It’s amazing all these programs can now fit onto a single MacBook.” She sighed, “we didn’t want to move the huge mainframes out of the building for fear we would get caught.”

“Now the hoax is over,” said Rice sadly, “it’s a bit of a shame.” Sir Mark Lyall Grant KCMG, Her Britannic Majesty’s Permanent Representative from the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland to the United Nations, agreed: “Now where are we going to send those problems we are too cowardly to address ourselves?”

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  1. Troy Camplin wrote:

    Someone’s been reading The Onion 😉

    Posted April 1, 2011 at 2:07 am | Permalink
  2. Sean wrote:

    Ha ha, what an improbably complex UN diagram! Imagine! Hilarious.

    (brilliant satire)

    Posted April 1, 2011 at 3:56 am | Permalink
  3. David Zetland wrote:

    So what are you guys going to write for April Fools? This obvious stuff belongs on another day…

    Posted April 1, 2011 at 6:52 am | Permalink
  4. P Baker wrote:

    Ban Ki Moon the prankster. Don’t you mean Bansky Moon?

    Posted April 1, 2011 at 8:44 am | Permalink
  5. Bob Smith wrote:

    This is UN spokesman Bob Smith. Although I am imaginary, I fiercely denounce this disrespectful treatment of a venerable, hard-working, even if non-existent, organization deeply motivated to better all mankind.

    Posted April 1, 2011 at 10:19 am | Permalink
  6. Howard Crane wrote:

    Oh my gawd!

    I actually BELIEVED this until the nonsensical diagram!

    The UN certainly is a 66 year old hoax, and it’s causing all sorts of devestation as it goes on assuming it’s role as world doctor.

    Posted April 1, 2011 at 11:58 am | Permalink
  7. Breanna R wrote:

    I actually thought the arrows diagram was the most realistic part! I have seen worse – for real!

    Posted April 2, 2011 at 4:28 am | Permalink
  8. Ban Ki Moon wrote:

    I would have more effect on world affairs if I was a writer for 30 Rock

    Posted April 3, 2011 at 2:48 pm | Permalink
  9. Josephine Dakar wrote:

    How true you speak…

    Posted April 11, 2011 at 6:04 pm | Permalink
  10. Lentenlands wrote:

    Let’s face it, the United Nations scam is also nothing but a luciferian communist front to allow the bankers to enslave all mankind in their hellish control grid. Do some research and you’ll see. The U.N. was created by the very same Rothschild bankers who paid Karl Marx to write the Communist Manifesto and Das Kapital. Communism is simply Weishaupt’s illuminism codified for the common man, the workers. Compare the two creeds, they are identical. They intend to take over the world and are in the process of doing so. Look around, it is nearly accomplished. Every plank of the illuminist/communist manifesto is already in place in America today.

    In light of all this, the real question for us is whether we, as Americans, will continue to be duped by these luciferians and aid in our own demise or will we wake up and throw off the chains of bondage and declare ourselves free from the illegal, unConstitutional Rothschild Federal Reserve criminal banking system and the imperial aspirations of the devil worshipers at the U.N? Our opportunity to throw off the chains upon us dwindles each day as the control grid is strengthened about us. This opportunity will not last forever.

    So this is our moment in time. History stands ready to record what we choose to do. Will we courageously stand and fight for our freedom or collapse complacently into slavery with their new world order boot kicking us in our face each day and be relegated to the dustbin of history? The choice is ours.

    Posted April 13, 2011 at 5:25 pm | Permalink

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